i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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