If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
