I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize