I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
