Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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