Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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