He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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