I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
