No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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