if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
