She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
