I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize