There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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