I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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