Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
