This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
