i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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