i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
