I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What happened to fro yo and sex?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
