4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
