I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
