Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
