I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
