I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
