Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
