I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
