I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
