Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
