you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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