Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
