Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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