I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize