she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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