i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
