so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize