OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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