I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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