Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
