This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
