Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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