Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
