I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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