so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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