Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
