god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize