I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
