I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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