Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
