sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
