Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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