Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize