You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize