Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
