i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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