the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
