dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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