Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
