Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
