If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
