Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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