true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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