my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
