Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
