I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
