Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
