Can Purell be used as lube?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize