Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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