I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
