Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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