u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
