in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
